On Your Own: When A Mentor Fails You

nightwing

Dick Grayson as Nightwing*

What is your favorite super hero? Mine? Nightwing. Granted I adore the ladies, but Nightwing has something very interesting in him. He was the first teen sidekick, a character for the kids reading the books to identify more than the adult Batman. Their relationship, and yes all the debates about the nature of it, has been key to their story even now. Dick Grayson was not just Bruce Wayne’s ward, he was also his student. It became a part of their characters until modern day, the latest game featuring them even has an upgrade for Nightwing called “Scary Mentor”. Through thick and thin they are tied to one another thanks to that mentorship. Why the mini comic book history class? Well, one of the reasons he is my favorite is because he did the unthinkable, he not only pointed out the faults of the great superhero who mentored him, he eventually breaks away from him. He let’s go of “Robin” and becomes his own man, Nightwing. A new storyline developed, that of a young man suddenly realizing that the man he had looked up to was no longer on an unreachable pedestal. This is why he is my favorite.
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3 Resolutions At The Start of A New Year

Start Line

Start Line by jayneandd, on Flickr

Today marks the first day of a new year for me. In the last twelve months there has been a lot more introspection than I thought. Looking at the start of the twenty-sixth year in this journey I have several things in mind that, like every good new years day, I want to have done by this date next year. It’s not just personal goals, it’s going ahead and living before it’s to late and life has passed by.

1:No Fear

tomorrow brings you something

tomorrow brings you something by renato.lainho, on Flickr

Now of course, I don’t mean this as not being afraid of anything. There is something I have been wanting to do for a long time and I have kept holding back because I was afraid. Of what? Well, life to be honest. When the end of my B.A. was approaching, I looked into schools out of the country. Some even on the other side of the Atlantic. I researched them, looked at what I needed to be able to apply, see what they offered…and left it at that. I convinced myself to stay, specially after asking other people for advice. Well, a year in and I feel stagnant, and regret not having made the jump back then. Not that I feel I wasted my time, nothing should be seen as that. I feel like the pause button on life was pressed. So this year my goal is not let fear paralyse me. We live in a world of comforts and anything out of that zone scares us but it shouldn’t be so. Not only is history not made by those who never moved but life was never lived either. Risk need to be known when to be taken, we can’t go through life just living at random. But we can’t pull a Rip Van Winkle either and suddenly wake up and realised we never did anything and life has turned into a series of what if’s.

2: No Tears

Of course we need a good cry once in a while. And some situations require them. But when they become something that is used to convenience and are whipped out almost daily, well pretty soon you might run out. Now yes I am exaggerating but I am sure a lot of you know what I mean. Maybe it’s just anxiety attacks but I tend to end discussions (because I don’t want to call them fights.) in tears. Why? I would like to say I am emotional but I am not, or maybe I think I am not. Everyone knows you can’t cry over spilt milk. And usually they just make the anxiety worse. So this year, tears get the respect they deserve.The outpour of emotion can’t be the same for everything. Trivial things don’t hold the importance of bigger events. If we give it all the same level of importance our view of life becomes distorted. In this distortion everything about life ends up affected. Suddenly everything seems as important, or non important for that fact, and before you know it you are overwhelmed. No more wasted tears this year, only truly happy or truly sad ones.

3: No Waiting.

The time is now. Tomorrow might not be there and if you leave everything to be solved tomorrow, well nothing will ever get done. There is many things that I have kept pushing back because of reason one, and most of the times I end up in reason two. But that’s why this year there will be no waiting. Sure we all feel real proud of ourselves when that las minute assignment suddenly gives us this amazing mark or this amazing review from a professor. But let’s be honest we are pleasantly surprised because we know it’s not the best we can do. If this happens with simple assignments, imagine how it affects life in general. Sure sometimes we get lucky, but most times we get something very different. Lately I have seen the trend appear again. all the things I need to start doing to move on with the plans in life I keep thinking “I can check it tomorrow”. Or “The tests are still a way off…I can look up the dates and info tomorrow”. No, tomorrow is now and this year one of the new habits I will cultivate is not leaving everything for tomorrow.

Promise of a new tomorrow. (365)

Promise of a new tomorrow. (365) by whatmegsaid, on Flickr

There is more I would love to do this year of course. Some are big reaching (like changing schools and starting a new M.A. program), others more simple (being more organized for example.) But all are necessary. People say that setting things out and telling people help keep you responsible and feeling accountable. Well, there you have the three big things I want this year. Hopefully I wont let myself or anyone else down. After all, we can’t keep putting away the start of a new year in life, who said it has to be only once a year anyways?

Rambles

Just when you think you are on a roll, something stops you midway. You are going a mile a minute and things stop. Wether it be that you drew a complete blank or that you forgot why you where there in the first place it’s just that way. But hey, the secret is not letting this stop you right? You keep running and even if it’s a small distance you still get ahead somehow. I guess that’s what this post is. Wether it be something outside, or maybe something inside ourselves, we just can’t let it bring us down. It’s the main reason this post is short. Let’s call it part of a routine. I have tried more than once to keep a blog going and my biggest problem has been routine. Maybe with time I delete this post and it has more of a place holder position. From what I understand, it’s easy to make new habits. Well, consider this a step closer to a new habit in writing.

stream of consciousness

stream of consciousness by Chicago Art Department, on Flickr

Reality Check: Facing the world

In Mommy’s Shoes 2/366 by MichellePetersJones, on Flickr

Have you had that moment when you wonder when the hell you became an adult? You are cleaning out your room and when you run into some toy you had not seen in forever and you don’t know what to do with it. A few days ago I was organzing things in my room when I set up my bed side table. And I ran into the lamp I have had in my room for the last 25 years, a.k.a. all my life. And then it hit me: I don’t know what to do with it because while it’s in perfect working condition it also has some lovely rainbows and hearts. I ended up making a cover but it was one of many moments of realization that life is starting to run by me and I am to young to have a midlife crisis.

I have had a hard time seeing myself the age I am. While I am not that old I can’t quote a Britney Spears song to describe myself anymore because I am most definitely not a girl and very obviously a woman. So I did some introspection, and well, I think I found the reason I feel stuck in life. Or reasons is more appropriate. I have managed to push away a lot of the “rites of passage” of western culture. I don’t drive (by choice amazingly) and it’s starting to get embarrassing. I have a job that screams temporary, because I would prefer not to spend my life behind a register. I want to move out, even if mom says it’s fine to live here until I marry (heh, thanks but no thanks mom). I need to actually embrace the fact that I am an adult.

I could easily blame this on my generation, all us millennials just want things handed or easy right? Well, yes and no. I want a chance at things. Yes I was cuddled and cared for and kept safe from all the bad things out there that could make me not grow to be a productive member of society. And it turned me into a non productive member of society, or so it seems to a lot of people. I don’t say this is the situation of everyone in the world, I live in a country where if you tell them the so called problems of the millennials they will answer they are to busy trying to live in the world as it has become to consider that.  We seem narcissistic maybe, or whinny, and this blog could just be another in a long list of examples of why we as a generation are a problem. I don’t intend on saying I speak for all of the people of the generation Y. But I plan on tracking the thoughts of at least my friends and me, all part of this group.

When asked why there where no “lost girls” in Neverland Peter Pan replied they where to clever to fall from their prams. Now we have been left in the garden and the wind knocked over all the prams with both boys and girls. And it’s like the baby is being blamed for trying to push up the pram and climb into it and failing. So yes, we ended up in Neverland and now a lot of are trying to get back, and hopefully, most if not all of us will make it back.